Communicate with your Kids & Win a $200 Visa Card!
Author: JMom | Category: Giveaways, childrenTHIS GIVEAWAY IS NOW CLOSED
And the winner is….
The winner of the $200 Visa Gift Card is DG who answered the question in her blog, The Prestigiator:
How you keep the lines of communication open with your children as they grow older and gain more freedom?
Well, I don’t have kids but I can say from how I was raised: 1. adhere to a regular dinner time because good conversation takes place at the table over delicious meals, 2. don’t be too strict or judgmental because kids will close down -being a good listener is more important! and 3. share a few of your “secrets” (avoid TMI though) as well; show your kid you’re more than just a parent but were once their age and full of wonderment as well.
Thanks to my parents for always knowing how to talk to us without being preachy. I really heard everything you said and have taken it to heart.
Thank you to everyone who entered the giveaway and left thoughtful answers to the question. Your comments are being republished on my blog, Amoores.com. Check out the series on Communicating with your kids.
Thank you also to BlogHer for sponsoring this giveaway.
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This is a compensated review from BlogHer
Post Theme: How you keep the lines of communication open with your children as they grow older and gain more freedom.
There is an old saying about children (well it was more commonly applied to men) being tied to their mother’s apron strings. Basically, it meant that they still need their mother and cannot think independently. Nowadays, that apron string is getting longer or has totally disappeared.
My daughters are in their teens now. The two older ones will be 17 and 18 next year and before you know it, they will be out on their own. The last couple of years they have been stretching the string quite taut. As parents, I think my husband and I have been very protective of them. They never rode the school bus, for instance. Even though it was inconvenient at times, we’d rather drive them to and pick them up from school daily than to trust their safety to strangers. One year, they were in three different schools and it seemed that all my husband and I did was drive them around all day!
When they got to high school their social life picked up a lot. They wanted to hang out with their friends more, they wanted to go to games, and dances and parties. We wanted to keep them home, in sight and safe but we knew that would be impossible. We realized it would be a battle we couldn’t win so instead, we loosened the leash. We thought about how it was when we were their age and how we snuck around behind our parent’s back and still managed to do all the things they forbade us to do. That’s not the kind of relationship we wanted with our daughters. We wanted them to be able to come to us for anything. We didn’t want them to ever feel like they had no one else to turn to. So we changed a few rules around our house. After a lot of talking, discussions and negotiations, we implemented some changes to our household. We slacked off on some of the old ones and either amended or got rid of others. Here’s a few of the things we did to keep the lines of communication with our daughters as they get older:
- School Transport - they are so used to use driving them now and have heard so many horror stories about riding the bus that they are perfectly happy to have us drive them to and from school. Besides, the time in the car is always great for talking and catching up. But they are also now of driving age so we are presently discussing getting a car for them to share and use to travel to and from school. We’re still ironing out the ground rules for this.
- Dating - We knew this was coming no matter how we tried to deny it. So the next best thing is to accept it. They both have had boyfriends although at the moment they are both ’single’ according to their facebook profiles. The general rule about boyfriends is that they should be introduced to mom and dad. Boyfriends can come visit them at home and hang out but they can’t go to their boyfriend’s hose. They can go on dates provided mom and dad has their whole itinerary before they go out of the house. No overnight trips with boyfriends.
- Sleep Overs - my girls were never allowed to sleep over their friend’s homes when they were younger. It’s only after they got to high school that we finally allowed them to do this once in a while and only in homes of friends that we are familiar with. I drop them off at the home where they will be sleeping over and pick them up.
- Hanging out with friends - when they have the opportunity, we allow them to hang out with their friends, either outside the house (mall, restaurant, concert, etc) or in our house even on weekdays. BUT they have to maintain their grades. If their grades start slipping or they start missing homework, then the ‘hang out time’ gets cut out.
- Technology - they were not the kids who had cell phones and ipods and game boys in their younger years. They still aren’t now but we did get them cell phones when they started going out with friends and having more after-school activities. We have a standing rule that no matter where they are, no matter what time it is, they can call mom and dad to come and get them. If they want iPods, games or other gadgets, they have to earn the money to pay for them.
- Social Networks - while the MySpace horror stories used to scare us into letting them even have anything to do with social networking, we also realize that being online is part of their generation. It is part of their lives. So we jumped right in with them. They know that mom and dad are watching and I don’t hesitate to say something when I see them saying or doing things online that is improper or inapropriate. They also know that wherever they decide to socialize, mom and/or dad has to have access to their accounts. They also know that mom and dad probably won’t be checking much on them unless they have a good reason to. It’s a matter of trust.
- Chores - because we feel that cell phones are important for them to have and for us to be able to get in touch with them when we need to, we pay for their services. However, they also have to do more chores around the house. They are now young ladies and they are old enough to contribute to the household. Some of the chores they do: laundry, dish washing, sweeping the floor, cleaning bathrooms, cooking, dusting, and taking out the trash.
The bottom line on keeping the lines of communication open with our kids is, TALK. We talk a lot and often. Most importantly, as parents who tend to be on the overprotective side, TRY NOT TO JUDGE. Sometimes they just want to talk things out. They don’t always need our advice or opinion, they just need us to LISTEN. AND sometimes, even though we may disagree with some of their decisions, we have to trust that they have learned enough to be able to make the right decision for them.
WIN $200 Visa Gift Card
Thanks to our sponsor BlogHer, you can win a $200 Visa Gift Card by following the rules below:
To enter, leave me a comment below and tell me How you keep the lines of communication open with your children as they grow older and gain more freedom - or you may leave a link to your post on your own blog in the comments below. The contest will begin at 9:00 a.m. (PST) August 10, 2009 and will end 5:00 p.m. (PST) September 4, 2009. Make sure that the e-mail address you leave is correct.
Rules:
* No duplicate comments.
* You may receive an additional entry by following me on twitter and tweet this contest. Leaving a link to your tweet in the comments. Note: There is also a re-tweet and ’share this’ button at the end of this post for your convenience.
* You may receive an additional entry by blogging about this contest and leaving a link in the comments. (5 additional entries for answering the question on your blog and linking back to this post)
* This giveaway is open to US-residents, 18 and over
* Winners will be selected via random draw, and will notified by e-mail.
* You have 48 hours to get back to me, otherwise a new winner will be selected.
* Please see the official rules here: Official Rules
For eight more chances to win a $200 Visa gift card, click on the link below:
Find more info for keeping in touch with your kids here.
August 11th, 2009 at 6:16 am
My guys are 13, 15, 16. WE usually talk when we are in the car. I know if something is bothering one of them because he will usually say, Can we go for a walk? just me and you? I know to drop everything and go. The best way is usually their way. They want you to know, they just need to tell you their way. My guys come to me with everything, unless its money! that is their dads speciality….I also utilize myspace and facebook to see how they are feeling and follow up on it.
August 11th, 2009 at 11:21 am
We eat dinner with our kids and talk to them. We shoot for every night. My kids are still little, but we figure if you start young, they will always feel that they can tell us anything.
August 11th, 2009 at 11:28 am
Tweeted - blm03
August 11th, 2009 at 11:31 am
Added you to my contest roundup
http://mythoughtsideasandramblings.com/2009/08/10/lisas-contest-roundup-week-of-august-10th/
August 11th, 2009 at 11:33 am
Even when my kids are busy with their friends and don’t seem to have time to talk to me, I can always get a great conversation out of them if I bring up one of our favorite TV shows, or a new song one of them loves, etc. I find that by enjoying and being interested in the same things that they are, really helps give us much more to talk about.
I also try to keep up with the technology that they use so that I can talk to them the way that they want to talk. On the computer I will use IM with them instead of email, because teens hate email. On their cell phones, I text them, because I get a much quicker response than if I phone them.
I really think the key is to learn about their world.
August 11th, 2009 at 2:53 pm
my kids are still pretty little, but we are trying to set the standards for communication now. i’m not naturally an empathetic person, so i am working very hard to *listen* before i jump in with my opinions/rules/corrections. i figure if they don’t feel loved and understood (and therefore safe in sharing & feeling with me) as littles, they definitely won’t feel it as they get older. “Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.” (I John 3:18) kyrie24 at gmail dot com
August 11th, 2009 at 8:30 pm
well I have to make sure the my 13 y.o. keeps his phone charged up ! Other than that he stays pretty connected
http://www.icoulduseadeal.blogspot.com
ck out my blog I’m trying to build subscribers
jtrophy at aol dot com
August 11th, 2009 at 9:32 pm
We eat dinner together and do a lot of texting.
August 11th, 2009 at 11:46 pm
The great thing about communicating with your kids and making it a priority when they are young is that when they are older, then THEY initiate the communication! My oldest is 30 and he calls my either on Skype (video/computer/phone system) at least twice a week - my niece bought me a phone so that she could contact me when she was free ( she lives in a different time zone in Japan!) and my younger son (23) chats with me on Facebook!
I love that they still have a lot to say to me- and are willing to hear what I have to say as well!
August 12th, 2009 at 1:27 pm
My kids are grown up, but we like to stay connected. I’m not very fast at texting, but I love that I can use my email client to send text messages from my computer.
August 12th, 2009 at 2:29 pm
My kids and I talk on the phone every day, no matter where either of us may be.
August 12th, 2009 at 8:56 pm
I always tell my boys that I am open to anything they want to talk about as long as they are honest with me. This keeps the line of communication open.
August 12th, 2009 at 11:41 pm
Who can resist talking while baking together! Works every time.
August 13th, 2009 at 12:07 am
we do things together when my kids are in town , be honest with eachother,e-mail and call alot
thanx bunches !
August 13th, 2009 at 9:53 am
No matter how busy we all are, we make it a point to eat dinner together every night. It helps keep us grounded and the lines of communication open.
August 13th, 2009 at 10:45 am
I love that my teenage son now has an email account. He is gone at practice or some event all the time. If I need to ask him a question I often email it so I dont forget the next time he is home. Love it1
ajcmeyer at go dot com
August 13th, 2009 at 11:37 am
I think texting is a great way to keep in touch with my 11 year old! It’s quick and easy and it works for us!
August 13th, 2009 at 12:08 pm
We like to talk on Facebook and call each other on our cell phones
August 13th, 2009 at 1:01 pm
I’m the child; she’s the mother. I don’t have any kids yet. Although I’m 32, single and independent, speaking with my Mom is a daily priority. I have a Sprint cell phone that I use to keep in contact with her. Although she doesn’t live far, we are both busy people. She is retired but substitute teaching and I work full-time and do plays and musicals in my free time.
As I’ve gotten older, a cell phone allows us to keep in touch when I’m in between work and play practice. I put in my Blue Tooth and call my mom during travel. We get quality time that way that fits into both our schedules!
August 13th, 2009 at 1:03 pm
blogged & answered question on my site!
http://www.shebecameabutterfly.net/?p=4434
entry #1
August 13th, 2009 at 1:03 pm
blogged & answered question on my site!
http://www.shebecameabutterfly.net/?p=4434
entry #2
August 13th, 2009 at 1:04 pm
blogged & answered question on my site!
http://www.shebecameabutterfly.net/?p=4434
entry #3
August 13th, 2009 at 1:05 pm
blogged & answered question on my site!
http://www.shebecameabutterfly.net/?p=4434
entry #4
August 13th, 2009 at 1:05 pm
blogged & answered question on my site!
http://www.shebecameabutterfly.net/?p=4434
entry #5
August 13th, 2009 at 1:33 pm
I think you have a great policy! I also have not been so open to letting my kids stay over at others houses. I know many who do but it just seems better when they stay here with their friends and I can see everything.
Thanks
Amanda
August 13th, 2009 at 4:30 pm
We spend time together every day at the dinner table with no tv or distractions. We talk the whole time and love it!
August 13th, 2009 at 4:55 pm
We always make sure to have a meal together, usually dinner, if not breakfast.
risanjax@metrocast.net
August 13th, 2009 at 10:13 pm
Every night at dinner I put the focus on my daughter and have her tell me and hubby about her day or anything she is concerned about.
August 13th, 2009 at 10:46 pm
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August 14th, 2009 at 1:32 am
Texting seems to be the new communication tool for grown kids to keep their mom informed of their day. I can listen, be involved and never feel that I am intruding on their time. We send tons of texts each month.
August 14th, 2009 at 1:36 am
following on twitter and tweet
http://twitter.com/luvtxess/status/3303232094
August 14th, 2009 at 6:03 am
Turn off the tv, computer and put the cell phone away and turned off. Sit down at one table and eat at least one meal a day together. Make it pleasant conversation.
August 14th, 2009 at 7:54 am
I do my best to let them know that I’m available if they want to share their day or whenever they have a problem. When they are having a bad day, I will fix a favorite meal or dessert. Or I will spend one-on-one time with them outside of the house and do something that they would enjoy. It usually puts them in a better mood to want to talk about any issues they are having.
elkaye[at]gmail[dot]com
August 14th, 2009 at 7:55 am
I tweeted: http://twitter.com/Elkaye/status/3306861391
elkaye[at]gmail[dot]com
August 14th, 2009 at 1:16 pm
My son knows that he can trust me with his secrets. And I’m learning to identify the situations and times of day when he’s more willing to talk freely.
August 14th, 2009 at 2:45 pm
Our 3 oldest girls have cell phones. I’m a long time Sprint subscriber and also have a great corporate discount plan that saves us quite a bit of money on our Family plan. So, naturally we have the extras which includes unlimited texting, Sprint TV,music & picture downloads, etc. I’ve already felt the financial burn from not being wise enough to have signed up for the plan in the first place, to the tune of making one unhappy teen fork over $75 to cover her text happy faux-pas. We’re a very close family that is always connected, especially when it comes to our common interests like techy stuff and travel, and even simple things like watching the Disney Channel together.My kids get a kick out of texting each other, Dear Hubs and I, and of course, their friends. Its funny, our texting capabilities have improved considerably thanks to those text happy girls of ours!
Twincere(at)gmail(dot)com
August 14th, 2009 at 2:46 pm
I tweeted about this great review & giveaway here:
http://twitter.com/Twincere/status/3314124788
Twincere(at)gmail(dot)com
August 14th, 2009 at 2:46 pm
I bought our daughter a cell phone (pay as you go) to take with her as she starts jr. high this year as well as while at dance class. Often she’s taken by other moms to dance events, so I like feeling we have a way to get in touch!
August 14th, 2009 at 2:47 pm
I blogged about this great review & giveaway on my blog and included all required linkbacks.
http://twinceretwinkles.blogspot.com/2009/08/how-do-you-stay-connected-to-your-kids.html
Twincere(at)gmail(dot)com
August 14th, 2009 at 2:48 pm
Tweet (and following you @themomjen) http://twitter.com/themomjen/status/3314178343
August 14th, 2009 at 2:52 pm
I am the Mom of two sons, one 16 the other 20. I have found that it is very important for you to trust you kids and that they can trust you as well. I have tried to be understanding and have let my kids know that they can tell me anything and I will try to be understanding and not judgmental. I have great kids and a wonderful relationship with both of them.
August 14th, 2009 at 2:53 pm
I follow on twitter and tweeted http://twitter.com/annedoggett/statuses/3314281351
August 14th, 2009 at 3:16 pm
Hello I am a sixteen year old and my mother has the greatest way to keep our lines of communication going strong! The main thing my mother does is she is honest with me. I think honesty is a huge aspect between parents and child communicating. I also think that trust is a huge factor in keeping your relationship and communication strong. If you keep these factors strong and out in the open you will have no problems communicating. I belive that these factors help me and my mother bond and have a closer relationship more then ever. I also think with the growing technology that communicating and talking about how you are feeling with your parents is decreasing. So me and my mom try to set one day in the week and leave all technology out and just talk all day long about school or work. I love that day of the week because it is stress free and a day that I can just hang out with my mom and tell her about life. I know im just 16 but these little aspects of my life leave me stress free and helps me make good decisions because I always can talk to my mom and get her advice!!
August 14th, 2009 at 4:39 pm
My daughter is in college and it helps so much to know how to IM and tweet and text. We don’t have unlimited texting or minutes but we still keep the communication going.
August 14th, 2009 at 4:42 pm
http://twitter.com/bettycd/status/3316227471
August 14th, 2009 at 7:02 pm
I don’t have any kids yet. I’m 32 & single. I live at home with my Mom and we go out often together. It’s way too expensive to move out and get an apartment. Also, with my job–I work in a Special Needs School, it doesn’t pay well so at this time I def cannot afford to be out on my own. Thanks for the chance to win! I’d def share this with my Mom IF I won!
purposedrivenlife4you at gmail dot com
August 14th, 2009 at 7:03 pm
I retweeted!http://twitter.com/luvscontests/status/3318502975
purposedrivenlife4you at gmail dot com
August 15th, 2009 at 12:42 am
I continue to keep an open dialogue with my daughter so that she knows she is able to talk to me about anything. I talk to her about current events, books she reads, shows she watches so that she knows I am interested in her life and what she thinks. We both share interests in the internet, reading, etc. so there’s a lot of common bonds between us. This all helps her to feel comfortable to speak to me about uncomfortable topics.
August 15th, 2009 at 11:14 am
My son is now 25. He and his wife live here with me. We still touch base regularly to discuss the day, things going on or what we need.
August 15th, 2009 at 5:39 pm
I have kept the lines of communication going by starting early. I have shared openly with my kids from when they were very young. I encourage them to come to me for anything and everything. I also try let them voice their opinions and respect it.
middayescapades at gmail dot com
August 15th, 2009 at 6:27 pm
I am the mother of 6 all of who either have their own child, are going to college or are in highschool. The lines of communication are very important. I talk to my childrens peers, friends and those that are just acquaintance as well. I also talk to my children and ask questions some times they dont want to talk but if you ask the question i have found that they often come back and talk about whatever is on their minds. That is my way of keeping communication open
shopannies@Yahoo.com
August 15th, 2009 at 6:37 pm
I have been pretty lucky, both my son(22) and daughter(16) are great at talking to me about just about everything.I have always told them that we can talk about any subject or concerns they have on their minds. I agree that starting early is the best. If they are comfortable talking to you when they are in little they will be comfortable talking to you as a teen. My daughter starts talking as soon as she gets in the car about her day at school and what is going on with her friends etc. I hear the good and the bad, and I am happy that she wants to share with me.
August 15th, 2009 at 7:05 pm
Tweet, tweet http://twitter.com/ConnieFoggles/status/3336137983
August 15th, 2009 at 7:55 pm
My son is recently married and I don’t want to intrude on them too much, so we e-mail each other and talk on the phone just often enough to hear what is going on in each other’s lives and we get together every week or so. Thank you for the wonderful giveaway
August 15th, 2009 at 8:07 pm
I make sure to spend time with my nieces at the end of the day to see how their day went. We talk about the good stuff and the bad stuff that happened and what could have been done different.
August 16th, 2009 at 8:53 am
My oldest son didn’t get a cell phone until he left home for college. I don’t know what we would have done without it, he called home so much those first few months while trying to adjust to being on his own for the first time my phone bill would have been outrageous.
We actually resisted cell phones for my older sons when everyone was first starting to get them. Now my daughter is 13 and we bought her one for her birthday. Payphones are nonexistent and I want to know where she is and who she’s with without the “I couldn’t call” excuse.
I’ve always tried to keep those communication lines open and flowing by sharing parts of my day with my children so they feel comfortable talking about their day with me, too. I think that’s part of why my son was so homesick those first few months away at college and called so frequently.
August 16th, 2009 at 8:53 am
I follow on twitter & I tweeted:
http://twitter.com/auntiethesis/status/3344220291
August 16th, 2009 at 8:55 am
Blogged:
http://auntiethesis.blogspot.com/2009/08/keeping-communication-open-giveaways.html
August 16th, 2009 at 6:59 pm
We stay connected by email, video conferencing and the plain old telephone. We also like to get together once a month for a girl’s only weekend!
August 16th, 2009 at 8:38 pm
I blogged about this giveaway here: http://conniesview.com/blog-giveaways/
August 17th, 2009 at 6:47 am
My kids don’t have any cells yet because first, I don’t believe in them having them unless they’re very active, and my kids are always with me unless I’m at work. So… the way I keep the lines of communication open are by listening to them all the time without judgement, and by telling them if they don’t lie to me and treat me the way they want to be treated, we won’t have a problem. it’s working so far!
August 17th, 2009 at 6:51 am
One way to keep the lines of communication open with teens is to establish traditions that are on-going. A tradition doesn’t have to be really formal and up-tight. It is just something that you do regularly and it becomes part of family life. Some ideas of traditions might be volunteering together to help others, a special sweet like brownies that you bake together, Pizza-Making Night, walking the dog together, a favorite shopping trip, or a chore that you do together and make fun. I also found that travel time in the car is an excellet time for teens to open up and talk - if they so choose! Good luck!
August 17th, 2009 at 9:00 am
At dinnertime we play a game where we go around the table and tell the rest of the family what was the best and the worst thing that happened during the day. We invariably end up having conversations about some of the things that come up, and it helps us all stay on top of what’s going on with the rest of the family.
August 17th, 2009 at 9:42 am
Here’s my Tweet: http://twitter.com/pricousins/status/3362361318
(and I’m following you as @pricousins)
pricousins at aol dot com
August 17th, 2009 at 12:14 pm
I am so lucky to have two wonderful sons, ages 16 and 20. I have always stressed to them that they can tell me anything. I have been able to keep the lines of communication open with them by being honest and not over reacting.
August 17th, 2009 at 12:17 pm
blogged answered question http://abdoggett1.blogspot.com/2009/08/win-200-gift-card-httphealthierhappiery.html
August 17th, 2009 at 12:18 pm
tweeted http://twitter.com/annedoggett/statuses/3364959811
August 17th, 2009 at 1:09 pm
Family dinners at the table always open the lines of communication in our family.
transamws602(at)yahoo(dot)com
August 17th, 2009 at 6:27 pm
I just have patience with them and they will talk to me – I will always sit down with them after school and talk about their day and i will also tell them about my day. I feel they know that I will listen to them and can come to me with anything!
August 17th, 2009 at 7:04 pm
tweet
http://twitter.com/luvtxess/status/3372018824
August 18th, 2009 at 7:58 am
I have already raised 2 teenagers, 2 to go. I found that the best approach is not to pry or snoop, but to be a good listener, and not be judgmental. Teens will make mistakes, but if you give them a little freedom to do so, that’s how they grow up. I also practice patience, which helps my listening skills.
August 18th, 2009 at 7:59 am
Tweeted I follow on Twitter (cdziuba)
http://twitter.com/cdziuba/status/3381887413
August 18th, 2009 at 8:01 am
Blogged
http://ceeceeblogger.blogspot.com/2009/08/200-visa-card-from-found-not-lost.html
entry 1
August 18th, 2009 at 8:02 am
Blogged
http://ceeceeblogger.blogspot.com/2009/08/200-visa-card-from-found-not-lost.html
entry 2
August 18th, 2009 at 8:03 am
Blogged
http://ceeceeblogger.blogspot.com/2009/08/200-visa-card-from-found-not-lost.html
entry 3
August 18th, 2009 at 8:04 am
Blogged
http://ceeceeblogger.blogspot.com/2009/08/200-visa-card-from-found-not-lost.html
entry 4
August 18th, 2009 at 8:05 am
Blogged
http://ceeceeblogger.blogspot.com/2009/08/200-visa-card-from-found-not-lost.html
entry 5
August 18th, 2009 at 10:28 am
The best way is to make sure that the lines of communication are always open. And that anything that is spoken about is without judgment and will be heard.
August 18th, 2009 at 10:30 am
http://twitter.com/carogonza/status/3384280944 - tweeted
August 18th, 2009 at 10:30 am
Blogged: http://theartofrandomwillynillyness.blogspot.com/2009/08/another-great-blogher-contest.html
August 18th, 2009 at 12:05 pm
Well DS is only a year old, so our main issue is that he isn’t really talking that much yet. But we have been teaching him sign language since day 1, so that helps us communicate more than we could otherwise. Thanks! thebubbledies(at)gmail(dot)com
August 18th, 2009 at 12:11 pm
I try not to be judgemental, and ask them to be responsible. For example, while some parents might forbid drinking, I recognize that that is a part of most teenagers lives (if there is a will there is a way) so I have asked my kids to be honest about it… and if they need a ride home to call me rather than doing things in secrecy and taking rides from drunk drives.
August 18th, 2009 at 3:28 pm
I think teaching babies sign language is a way to start communication early! I am doing that with my baby!
August 18th, 2009 at 3:51 pm
blogged!
http://givemeagiveaway.blogspot.com/2009/08/enter-at-these-sites-to-win-200-visa.html
August 18th, 2009 at 5:01 pm
This may sound silly…but it works VERY well for us. If they could, my two boys (ages 11 & 14) would eat, sleep, and drink with their Playstation. In order to have a common interest, I practiced playing a few of their favorite games. So now, they sometimes let Mom play with them. I have found that they are more receptive to difficult conversation while playing a game — perhaps due to a lack of eye contact. Honestly, I don’t even care about the reason…I’m just glad I found a way to effectively communicate with boys!
August 18th, 2009 at 5:02 pm
I follow you on Twitter (Nelsby) and Tweeted about the giveaway: http://twitter.com/Nelsby/status/3391592708
Thanks!
August 19th, 2009 at 11:36 pm
help them clean their room! Usually takes an hour each
Lots of conversation can happen in an hour
August 19th, 2009 at 11:37 pm
http://twitter.com/Nightowlmama/status/3421305640
tweet
August 21st, 2009 at 3:52 am
tweet
http://twitter.com/luvtxess/status/3446444873
August 21st, 2009 at 7:38 am
we talk to the kids in the car, at dinner, and just before bed, keeping communication open. i also try not to avoid answering “tough” questions so that they feel at ease about subjects that could become difficult.
August 21st, 2009 at 9:02 am
My kids are small, 4 and 8, but we talk everyday (and sometimes it seems they’re talking ALL day). No matter what they’re saying, my husband and I make it a point to listen, even if it’s a made up story, something silly they did or a corny joke, we engage them and keep them talking. My 8 yr old daughter comes to me about all sorts of struggles she’s having and won’t let me leave without praying for her. I think it’s neat that she already understands she can come to us and she knows how important it is to pray.
August 22nd, 2009 at 3:46 pm
You can read my answer to the question here
http://betty-n.blogspot.com/
entry #1
August 22nd, 2009 at 3:47 pm
Thanks for the extra entries for blogging….
http://betty-n.blogspot.com/
August 22nd, 2009 at 3:47 pm
blogged here with my answer…. entry #3 http://betty-n.blogspot.com/
August 22nd, 2009 at 3:48 pm
blogged here with my answer, entry #4
http://betty-n.blogspot.com/
August 22nd, 2009 at 3:49 pm
blogged here, entry #5
http://betty-n.blogspot.com/
August 22nd, 2009 at 3:56 pm
I am following you on Twitter (Grandma3710) and tweet is here: http://twitter.com/Grandma3710/status/3478761307
August 22nd, 2009 at 4:30 pm
I hope to keep communication open by starting very early with my kids. My oldest is 5, and I feel it is very important to make him understand very early on that he can talk to us, and never, ever lose face with us for being honest. I hope that works. Time will tell.
August 22nd, 2009 at 4:31 pm
Following and tweeted: http://twitter.com/Spoodles/status/3479347943
August 22nd, 2009 at 4:36 pm
Blogged here: http://spoodles.wordpress.com/2009/08/21/bloghersprint-giveaway/
August 22nd, 2009 at 11:03 pm
I keep communication through dinner by inspiring good discussion and not being forceful or demanding of them. It is a relaxing time!
August 24th, 2009 at 2:08 pm
I know it’s coming - dating, mass transit, sleep overs, road trips for team sports and late rehearsals for performing arts. For now, however, we communicate face to face. The girls are only 6 & 9. We eat our dinners together as a family with no TV, telephone or texting to interupt our live conversations. Here we catch up, plan ahead, share our thoughts and sometimes our dreams.
Is the cell phone in their future. Probably. It’s tough to imagine a teen without one, and in 10 years, they’ll probably be implanted!
August 24th, 2009 at 4:01 pm
My kids are too young for cell phones (though my 9 year old asks for one) but when she wants to walk to her friends house around the corner she takes the walkie talkie radios so she can let me know when she gets there and when she is coming home. She knows she can ask us any questions she has about anything and we will answer her honestly. She also knows that lying is a big no-no and punishments are much larger if they are caught in a lie.
August 26th, 2009 at 7:50 am
When I am talking with my kids I relly work hard to just LISTEN. I make sure I am really HEARING what they are saying.
nancyecdavis AT bellsouth DOT net
August 26th, 2009 at 3:35 pm
Definitely eating supper (dinner) together. Devotions together. Being open to when they want to talk, even if I’m busy.
August 26th, 2009 at 4:10 pm
I still have a 14 year old son and a 13 year old daughter at home. We make it a point to eat dinner together at least five days a week. We have a family movie night once a week and each one can invite one friend. I love spending time with my childen and it keeps us close plus we can talk to each other about anything.
August 27th, 2009 at 11:41 am
My kids are 8 & 12. We have a pretty open policy with talking & my husband is great with talking about sensitive topics with our girls. They always feel comfortable going to one of us luckily. We use email, cel phones & then a family notebook to communicate. The family notebook, is just a spiral notebook that anyone can stick a note in. We just keep it till it is full. It is also nice to keep it because it is like a little snapshot of our life at the time.
August 28th, 2009 at 10:10 am
I wasn’t expecting things to be so difficult between my daughter and I and it seemed she was always upset so I gave her the option to visit a therapist when she was 5 because I didn’t want the cycle to continue. We went as a family and after a few sessions she felt comfortable communicating with us all and isn’t screaming or saying hate anymore. It has been wonderful to have her communicate with me.
August 28th, 2009 at 10:13 am
I am following you on twitter…How fun! tweet tweet http://twitter.com/mnmspecial/status/3604289968
August 28th, 2009 at 10:31 am
My kids are pretty young yet…but for my teenage stepdaughters are main thing is that our door is always open and they are free to call us for any reason. For my younger kids…when they come home from school we try to talk about their day.
August 28th, 2009 at 11:46 am
I blogged about this contest.
http://www.mnmspecial.com/2009/08/communication-lines-are-open-to-win-200.html
August 28th, 2009 at 11:47 am
I answered the question in my blog 1 http://www.mnmspecial.com/2009/08/communication-lines-are-open-to-win-200.html
August 28th, 2009 at 11:48 am
I answered the question in my blog 2 http://www.mnmspecial.com/2009/08/communication-lines-are-open-to-win-200.html
August 28th, 2009 at 11:48 am
I answered the question in my blog 3 http://www.mnmspecial.com/2009/08/communication-lines-are-open-to-win-200.html
August 28th, 2009 at 11:49 am
I answered the question in my blog 4 http://www.mnmspecial.com/2009/08/communication-lines-are-open-to-win-200.html
August 28th, 2009 at 11:49 am
I answered the question in my blog 5 http://www.mnmspecial.com/2009/08/communication-lines-are-open-to-win-200.html
August 28th, 2009 at 1:33 pm
My children are quite young, but establishing good communication with them is still very important. I take the time to listen (i.e. stop whatever else I’m doing) to my 5 year old… even if it’s rambling - he usually has a point. Also, we try to have livley discussions at dinner.
August 28th, 2009 at 2:56 pm
I follow on twitter and i retweeted:
http://twitter.com/ShootingStarMag/status/3609956995
August 29th, 2009 at 8:30 am
Great post! Wonderful ideas on the issue of communication, which many parents struggle with in this day and age. I recently got my kids cell phones over the summer, as I wanted to keep contact etc. I got my two boys (11 and 13) a Motorola W376 from Target for $30 with a $7 a month charge for the minimum contract we need to keep in contact and my boys have been sending texts and photos of whatever they’re getting up to. They love their phones and it puts my mind at ease, as I know I can contact them at any time. The results have been wonderful, the Tracfones facilitated a summer of smiles! I would recommend this deal to any parent
August 29th, 2009 at 1:07 pm
My child is still a toddler so it doesn’t quite apply to us yet, but I have a 17 yr old brother (my mom had him really late) and a younger sister. Growing up with them so much younger than me, I learned a lot of ways to keep communication going. Sometimes they tend to look at me as a second parent. Whenever they would visit when they were younger there were always rules at my house. At home they could get a way with a lot but not with me. One thing I think that helped them keep their respect for me and keep the lines open was that I never immediately judge(d) them. I have always talked things out with them and they know they can come to me when they need to. And thankfully they do. And when I say I talked to them I mean in person.. not over email, not through text. I think spending quality time together is very important. It doesn’t have to feel to them like they’re being forced to hang out with you or lose time with their friends if part of the time you spend together is not always serious. Ie: Game night, visiting museums (education and fun), etc.
I hope to put these things into practice with my own child once my son is older.
Great post btw.
August 29th, 2009 at 3:02 pm
My 18 year old daughter just started her second year of college! We have to stay in touch with Lots of texting, emails and cell phone calls! BUT we talk at least once daily on the phone. Texting is fairly new to me, but because of My daughter I had to adapt, get an UNLIMITED plan and ADAPT.. that is how ya have to be!!
It is about adapting and being open to communicating, however it is!!!!
Many thanks for the chance to win!!
Leslie
August 29th, 2009 at 3:03 pm
LeslieVeg is following you on Twitter and left a tweet
http://twitter.com/LeslieVeg/status/3631117491
Leslie
August 29th, 2009 at 8:22 pm
I have 3 children, a son 30, a daughter 25 and my youngest daughter who is 15. Age difference make all the difference in connecting with her on her level. My two older children are married so my 15 year old has 6 parents that keep her on the right track. Each of us have contributed to her growth as a person with values, morals, hopes and dreams. She also has the fears and anxiety of the teenage years; but, with older siblings guiding her and her being able to talk to them she is able to feel better about this age. I let myself be open to her when she wants to talk; not, when it suits me… even if it’s bedtime and she sits on the edge of my bed and shares her views on religion, her sisters pregnancy, books she has read or just events at her summer job at the community pool.
My husband has his most important talks with her while in the car running errands, going to work or school. It amazes me at times when my husband and I discuss her talks how grown up she is in her views and opinions and how open she is with us… I think it has helped her being the youngest with older siblings and my husband and I learning from our older ones … to always listen, to always HEAR them, and to let them talk whether its silly or serious because sometimes the most important things can be said at the silliest of times as well as the deep heart to heart talks.
August 30th, 2009 at 2:40 am
Having kid is precious to us. We always enjoy with our kids and have more fun with them by taking them out, buying their favorite toys and helping them to study and much more
August 30th, 2009 at 9:14 pm
An open mind is important. Your children AND you evolve.
August 30th, 2009 at 11:21 pm
[...] is the way we keep the lines of communication open with our children. My present giveaway asks how you communicate with kids and the response has been varied and valuable. I didn’t want to keep them to myself, so I thought [...]
August 30th, 2009 at 11:46 pm
listening and sharing. a good parent and child relationship should be based on give and take in terms of conversation
August 30th, 2009 at 11:48 pm
answered question on blog
http://the-prestigiator.xanga.com/710905551/communciation/
August 30th, 2009 at 11:48 pm
answered question on blog 2
http://the-prestigiator.xanga.com/710905551/communciation/
August 30th, 2009 at 11:48 pm
answered question on blog 3
http://the-prestigiator.xanga.com/710905551/communciation/
August 30th, 2009 at 11:49 pm
answered question on blog 4
http://the-prestigiator.xanga.com/710905551/communciation/
August 30th, 2009 at 11:49 pm
answered question on blog 5
http://the-prestigiator.xanga.com/710905551/communciation/
August 31st, 2009 at 12:19 am
http://nightowlmama.blogspot.com/2009/08/few-things-worth-looking-into.html
I blogged
September 1st, 2009 at 1:16 pm
The car is a great place to practice extremely focused communication.
You have great ground rules for your children.
September 1st, 2009 at 1:16 pm
Bless you for the retweet button!
September 1st, 2009 at 1:17 pm
I forgot my twitter link on that bless you:
http://twitter.com/miscmayzee/status/3693521431
September 2nd, 2009 at 10:59 am
My daughter is still a toddler but communication is still key at this age. I communicate through my words and actions through play, discipline, and everything in between
September 2nd, 2009 at 11:00 am
My daughter is going on two years old and communication is very important in terms of boundries and rules. I have to make sure she understand when I tell her its not ok to do something and follow through with it. We love to laugh and have fun too
September 2nd, 2009 at 1:32 pm
[...] Teens, children, family, parenting, tags: Communicate, How to Talk to Kids // My giveaway on Communicating With Your Kids has generated a lot of useful tips and comments on how parents foster good communication with their [...]
September 3rd, 2009 at 7:45 am
I try to always take time to really listen to them no matter how busy I am or what I am doing. I make sure they know that I think what they have to say is important.
September 3rd, 2009 at 7:46 am
follow on twitter and tweeted. http://twitter.com/drellis500/status/3732755971
September 3rd, 2009 at 10:32 am
Like many others have commented, I find my kids are more likely to open up in the car, when it is just me and one of them. Lately this has been harder though, since my oldest is 16 and has her learner’s permit. I find it harder to talk to her when she is driving, since I don’t want to distract her and also I am very nervous when she drives. So we have started going out for coffee once a week while her sister is at dance. She likes having special time just with me, and going out for coffee makes her feel grown up too. She is pretty good at letting me know what is bothering her. We have had lots of good talks lately about college, and her worries about fitting in.
September 3rd, 2009 at 10:32 am
I tweeted about the contest.
http://twitter.com/lunaj1456/statuses/3735629737
September 3rd, 2009 at 11:13 am
I let my kids kids have just talk time. Where I am just their sounding off board. Sometimes it is hard because I want to give my opinions and advice but I give it when they ask or they really need it. They come to me now because they know I will listen. I have learned so much more about them because of this.
September 3rd, 2009 at 1:24 pm
Cellphone, email, Facebook, Twitter, Skype…so many ways to stay in touch
And you have to be a good listener, that’s the most important thing
September 3rd, 2009 at 1:25 pm
following on twitter & tweeted:
http://twitter.com/ktanjatk/status/3738978463
September 3rd, 2009 at 2:00 pm
Staying connected, at this point, is less about seeing them often enough, or spending appropriate amounts of time, and more about paying attention.
I have quadruplet boys who are only 2 years old, so at this point, the problems with our communications have more to do with undertanding one another than finding gadgets or ways to stay connected.
Eventually, I am sure it will be more about getting that quality time with the kids, but I think it will always be primarily an issue of making sure I do more listening than talking, and making what I do have to say counts. I hope that if I genuinely listen to them, I can be wiser in how I respond, and make them see that I do care what they say, even if I end up disagreeing and not allowing them to have their way.
Brad Murray
http://www.murraycrew.blogspot.com
bradley.g.murray@gmail.com
September 3rd, 2009 at 2:50 pm
My daughter is young, but from my childhood, it helps to have general conversations about the family situation, not just kid stuff versus parent stuff
September 3rd, 2009 at 2:51 pm
tweet http://twitter.com/phxbne/status/3740570838
September 3rd, 2009 at 4:59 pm
We talk when we are getting ready for dinner. We talk when we are cleaning around the house. Just spending time together.
September 3rd, 2009 at 6:47 pm
I loved your tips. We have let our 11 year old have her own Gmail account for emails but we chose the password together and told her we get a copy of her sent/received mail onto the family desktop (the same as what happens to her Dads emails and my own) We said we wouldnt always read every message but it was a trust thing and if we were worried about her we may have a look to see that it was appropiate.
September 3rd, 2009 at 9:47 pm
Here’s a link to my blog entry in which I posted my thoughts about keeping the lines of communication open: http://slavetoacademia.blogspot.com/2009/09/keeping-lines-of-communication-open.html
gkaufmanss@yahoo.com
September 3rd, 2009 at 9:48 pm
I tweeted: http://twitter.com/guettel78/status/3748586016
gkaufmanss@yahoo.com
September 3rd, 2009 at 9:50 pm
I blogged about the contest #1: http://slavetoacademia.blogspot.com/2009/09/200-visa-gc-giveaway-at-amoorescom.html
gkaufmanss@yahoo.com
September 3rd, 2009 at 9:50 pm
I blogged about the contest #2: http://slavetoacademia.blogspot.com/2009/09/200-visa-gc-giveaway-at-amoorescom.html
gkaufmanss@yahoo.com
September 3rd, 2009 at 9:51 pm
I blogged about the contest #3: http://slavetoacademia.blogspot.com/2009/09/200-visa-gc-giveaway-at-amoorescom.html
gkaufmanss@yahoo.com
September 3rd, 2009 at 9:51 pm
I blogged about the contest #4: http://slavetoacademia.blogspot.com/2009/09/200-visa-gc-giveaway-at-amoorescom.html
gkaufmanss@yahoo.com
September 3rd, 2009 at 9:52 pm
I blogged about the contest #5: http://slavetoacademia.blogspot.com/2009/09/200-visa-gc-giveaway-at-amoorescom.html
gkaufmanss@yahoo.co
September 3rd, 2009 at 10:59 pm
[...] $200 Visa Card from Found Not Lost [...]
September 4th, 2009 at 12:44 am
I think that staying interested and listening with an open mind and not always rushing to judgment or offering advice at every turn makes kids more willing to share.
September 4th, 2009 at 12:46 am
I tweeted: http://twitter.com/ThriftyJinxy/status/3751406499
September 4th, 2009 at 12:59 am
I blogged about your contest here: http://winwithjinxy.blogspot.com/2009/09/win-200-visa-gift-card.html
September 4th, 2009 at 1:44 am
http://twitter.com/DeeGee13/status/3752103077
September 4th, 2009 at 9:52 am
My guys are 15 and 18 and communicating with them is definitely a challenge at times! If I push too hard, they will run the other way, LOL, so I usually wait for THEM to approach me, then I drop EVERYTHING I’m doing no matter what I’m doing and listen. We text message each other several times during the day also…it’s the “new” communication
September 4th, 2009 at 9:52 am
I RT’d your contest: http://twitter.com/JustJulie/status/3758100536
September 4th, 2009 at 10:55 am
I make sure that when they feel like talking I put everything aside and make them first. I help them with whatever help they need and they know I am there for them.
September 4th, 2009 at 11:07 am
I follow and tweet!~http://twitter.com/dresdenrain/status/3759591890
September 4th, 2009 at 11:11 am
I blogged here:http://forums.online-sweepstakes.com/blog.php?b=1640
September 4th, 2009 at 11:12 am
I blogged here and answered the question, too for additional entres. Additional entry #1.
http://forums.online-sweepstakes.com/blog.php?b=1640
September 4th, 2009 at 11:12 am
I blogged here and answered the question, too for additional entres. Additional entry #2.
http://forums.online-sweepstakes.com/blog.php?b=1640
September 4th, 2009 at 11:13 am
I blogged here and answered the question, too for additional entres. Additional entry #3.
http://forums.online-sweepstakes.com/blog.php?b=1640
September 4th, 2009 at 11:14 am
I blogged here and answered the question, too for additional entres. Additional entry #4.
http://forums.online-sweepstakes.com/blog.php?b=1640
September 4th, 2009 at 11:14 am
I blogged here and answered the question, too for additional entres. Additional entry #5.
http://forums.online-sweepstakes.com/blog.php?b=1640
September 4th, 2009 at 12:11 pm
I also told my children that I would listen to everything they had to say. When I allowed them to state their reasons why I should change my mind about permission for an activity my mother told me I let them “talk back” but I never saw it that way. I believe a child should be allowed to voice their opinions.
When my children were pre-teen my husband and I divorced. Over time the boys eventually went to live with their dad. They still were pretty open with me about so many things they didn’t feel free to talk to their father about (probably due to the expected punishment).
Now even though they are adults they still tell me things, sometimes things I really wish they had kept to themselves.
September 4th, 2009 at 2:34 pm
Thankfully, my children are all grown now, and most have children of their own, but we all continue to be close, even though they are scattered across the country. I’m very grateful that besides being my children, they are also my friends.
We all keep in touch through email, blogging, and social networks. We talk on the phone (hurray for unlimited long distance:-) and visit as often as possible. My grand children love getting mail of their own, so I try to send little notes to them, and include stickers, pencils, (or maybe a fun pair of socks), every few weeks.
While they were growing up, we tried very hard to be good examples to them, as opposed to
“Do as I say. - Not as I do.” We are a big noisy bunch (10 kids and 14 grand kids), but we all love each other very very much!
September 4th, 2009 at 4:06 pm
I have no kids. The way I connect with people is to give them my complete attention and really listen to what they are saying (and not saying).
September 4th, 2009 at 4:13 pm
follow on twitter (slehan) and tweeted: http://twitter.com/slehan/status/3765517363
September 4th, 2009 at 4:29 pm
Blogged: http://slehan.blogspot.com/2009/09/can-i-use-200-visa-card.html
September 4th, 2009 at 4:31 pm
#1 Blogged an answer: http://slehan.blogspot.com/2009/09/can-i-use-200-visa-card.html
September 4th, 2009 at 4:31 pm
#2 Blogged an answer: http://slehan.blogspot.com/2009/09/can-i-use-200-visa-card.html
September 4th, 2009 at 4:32 pm
#3 Blogged an answer: http://slehan.blogspot.com/2009/09/can-i-use-200-visa-card.html
September 4th, 2009 at 4:33 pm
#4 Blogged an answer: http://slehan.blogspot.com/2009/09/can-i-use-200-visa-card.html
September 4th, 2009 at 4:33 pm
#5 Blogged an answer: http://slehan.blogspot.com/2009/09/can-i-use-200-visa-card.html
September 4th, 2009 at 5:51 pm
I will ask my kids at bedtime “what was the best part of today” they usually give me a great answer and we get to talking about other great things!
September 4th, 2009 at 11:14 pm
My dad worked a week on, a week off, so he wasn’t home but two weeks out of the month, so one day out each of those weeks we all went to eat dinner together. It allowed all of us to sit down and catch up on what had been going on when he was away and we were home with mom.
September 4th, 2009 at 11:32 pm
I talk to my son about vidio games. I ask about his day , what he did with his friend I really try to talk to him and make time.
September 8th, 2009 at 12:55 pm
[...] concerned about but that you may not have even though to ask about. Here are more comments from our Communicate With Your Kids [...]
September 10th, 2009 at 10:44 am
[...] Raising kids is a time sensitive activity. You have but a few years to influence the individuals your children will grow up to be. The earlier you start doing things like communicating with them, the better. Like everything we do, we do it better when we’re used to it and we’ve been doing it a long time. When you start them young it becomes a habit to talk about anything and everything. Continuing on our series about communicating with your kids, here are more comments from parents based on the question we asked recently, “How you keep the lines of communication open with your children as they grow older and gain m… [...]
September 30th, 2009 at 9:49 am
[...] we have to find other ways to get the conversation going. Some of the comments on our post about communicating with your kids generated a collection of unique and creative ideas to kick start communication with your kids. [...]